Am I Just Some Chick...
by wispykitty
Summary: 5 years later; Spike thinks he loves Ed, but is still stuck on Faye. So what happens when something so drastic causes Ed to leave, and the Bebop crew wondering if they'll find her in the obituaries? Major angst, and a sane Ed! o.O
1. A Little Precursor...

This has been quite some time in the making, I've been thinking of this story for months now. I finally found the perfect song to start it off with, hence why I finally started writing it. ^_^ "Losing Grip" by Avril Lavigne is the song I decided to use for this; it's sort of a song fic. Now, for a quickie explanation, since I'm not sure if I'll have the prequel to this story up by the time I start posting this. I left that one at home, and I just need to find some inspiration to write it over again. , So we'll see. Anyhow, this fic takes place five years after the end of the series. Spike didn't die, and he, Jet, and Faye are still together on the Bebop. Ed was off with her father, and did a lot of growing up during those five years. So Ed's not the same Ed as on the show, she actually sounds completely sane and normal. But who'd really expect an 18 year-old to be as messed up as Ed anyhow? ^_^ Hope someone appreciates this out there. It's gonna get pretty angsty and sad, overall depressing. But that's what I write best. ;)  
  
~*~  
  
~Are you aware of what  
  
You make me feel, baby?~  
  
A slight breeze picked up, blowing Ed's hair in front of her face. 'Damn it, I should have just kept it short.' She laid her fork down on the table beside her plate, reaching up to brush the hair off her face. Tucking it behind her ear, she glanced over the table, a quick blush coming to her cheeks as she met Spike's wry grin, sitting across from her.  
  
"You know kid, if you tied your hair up, you might solve that problem."  
  
"Wow, thanks for the insight. The thought never crossed my mind." Ed stuck her tongue out at Spike, who couldn't contain a slight chuckle. Ed picked her fork up again with her left hand, reaching for the pepper shaker with her right. A tingling sensation swept over her as she felt Spike's hand close over hers, holding her small fingers in his. She looked up at him, feeling her cheeks flush over again. The breeze picked up, blowing her hair back in front of her face. But this time she didn't put the stray strands back in place; instead she felt Spike's fingers trail over her cheek, brushing her soft skin as he fixed her hair back for her.  
  
"We really need to get you some elastics. Or a headband."  
  
"Would you tie my hair up for me then?"  
  
"I'd probably hurt you before I managed to get all of that up, that's why I keep my hair short." He winked at her, leaving her to laugh. It was times like this, when everything seemed so perfect, that she never once regretted her decision to be with Spike. He was so loving to her, so sweet and gentle. She picked over the remainder of her salad, finishing it off and setting it aside. His hand slipped back to his side of the table, and their eyes met up.  
  
"Say we get our bill and get outta here? Maybe go for a walk somewhere?" Ed nodded, as she set her cutlery down on the plate, finishing off her orange juice. Spike flagged the waiter down, promptly getting a receipt. He pulled out his wallet, leaving enough to pay for the meal and a tip, then pushed his chair back and stood up. Ed got up from her chair, pushing it back in as she followed Spike out the door of the restaurant. Standing outside, she waited as he took out his pack of cigarettes, drawing one out. He stopped and looked at her, smiling as he slid it back in the case.  
  
"I really should quit that habit anyway, and getting you addicted definitely won't help me any." He smiled and slid his arm around her shoulders, and she snuggled close to him as they walked down the street together. To think, Spike was going to quit smoking for her! If that wasn't a sign of love from Spike, nothing was. They walked through the city, closing in on it's large park, full of choice park-type animals. The park was always full of happy and smiling couples; at one point Ed had hated coming here, a reminder of what she had never experienced. The closest thing to any sort of relationship she had ever experienced, had been the one she'd shared with her father; and a father's love for his daughter really didn't apply to these park people. It had been almost six months since her father's death, and though she still missed him, she had been grateful for the chance it gave her to reunite with her old crew mates. As she looked from face to face, all full of smiles and starry eyes, she tightened her arms around Spike's waist, knowing her own face was smiling, and her eyes were probably full of stars too. They made their way to their favourite sitting spot, right near a large duck pond. Spike sat down on a bench, and as Ed went to sit next to him, he pulled her onto his lap instead, holding her tightly around the waist. She pressed her head against his shoulder, not wanting to hide her happy face from everyone, but not really wanting the world to see her hugely dorky grin. She felt Spike's lips lightly brush her cheek, aware of a few small kisses he pressed to her. They sat there for a few minutes, not really saying anything. Ed wondered if Spike felt even half as happy with her as she felt with him. After losing her father, she had become totally crushed, and extremely sad. But finding Spike again had changed everything; he had become the new centre of her entire universe. Everything was perfect with him there, the void in her heart was quickly mended by his show of kindness and gentleness, the way he touched her and kissed her, as though she were some rare and priceless antique that he was afraid of breaking; it got her all flustered when he held her to him, the protective hold of his arms more than she'd ever need to feel security and love in this new world of hers.  
  
But eventually, no matter how well you protect something, it always breaks. Or at least develops a few cracks or chips somewhere along the way. And then, that rare and priceless antique you used to hold so gently, is never quite perfect again. 


	2. Lonely Little Bebop Radical

~Right now I feel invisible to you  
  
Like I'm not real~  
  
"Hey Spike, nice to see you two managed to keep the place sparkling." Spike looked up from his cup of coffee, nearly spitting it out as his gaze fell upon Faye.  
  
"I thought you said yesterday! You guys are a day late, what the hell happened? You had me worried." He stood up, hugging Faye as she playfully pushed him out of the way.  
  
"Nothing to get all bent out of shape about-"  
  
"You didn't stop off at the casino and forget about him for a day, did you?" Spike grabbed Faye by the shoulders, wondering why he had decided to let Faye take Jet to the hospital alone again. Just then, Jet's hearty laugh was heard as he wheeled himself into the kitchen.  
  
"She had the decency to bring me with her this time. We won ourselves a little money too." Spike shook his head, not really surprised. But at least he could relax about the situation now, he had been very worried when the two hadn't returned on time the day before. He and Ed had returned from the park and had waited all night for Faye and Jet to return, but they both ended up waking up late this morning, after falling asleep somewhere around three am. There had still been no sign of the two, and Spike's mind had gone reeling around, barely able to sit he'd been so worried. But they were back, and seemed in good spirits.  
  
"So I take it the appointment went well? Did you already have the surgery Jet?" Ed had come in from the living room where she'd been re-arranging furniture; her way of passing time while nervous; and stood behind Spike, sliding her arms around his waist.  
  
"They did manage to get me in, on the same day as I had the appointment with the doctor too. I've never felt better actually, I think this new treatment might just be the trick." Jet smiled, glancing down at his bum leg. There had been a few times when he swore he'd felt his hand on his leg, when he was certain that he had seen his leg move. If this new treatment did indeed work, then he would eventually regain all the feeling in his leg, which had been lost in a freak accident they'd had two years ago.  
  
"Well I'm going to unpack, would you mind helping me with my bags Spike? Might just let you have a piece of my small fortune if you do." Faye winked at Spike as she left the kitchen, and Spike quickly followed suit, pulling away from Ed without a word. Ed bit her lip, forcing herself to calm down. Spike had been worried, he worried about Faye and Jet a lot, he probably just wanted to make sure she really was okay. He wasn't just jumping at her every request for any other reason, he was just still worried. And that's what she'd keep telling herself, no matter how times he dropped her the second Faye walked in the door. Spike just worried a lot.  
  
"Ed, I bought you a present while we were away." Ed turned to face Jet, a smile interrupting her frown at Spike's departure. She walked over to Jet, sitting on his lap as he rummaged around in his bag, pulling out a box and handing it to her. "Hope you like it Ed." She neatly pulled the wrapping paper off the box, slowly opening it. Her face lit up as she saw what was inside.  
  
"Oh Jet! You didn't have to get me anything, but this is amazing." She threw her arms around him, hugging him tightly as she felt her eyes water. Jet had sort of taken the place, in a small way, of her father. She looked back in the box, at the gold chain holding the little pinkie ring with the words "Bebop Radical" carved into it. It was an affectionate term Jet liked to use for her; the little Bebop Radical. She took it out of it's box, clasping it around her neck.  
  
"It looks lovely." Ed hugged Jet again, grateful for his present, and his presence. "So, how were things here while we were gone? Did Spike treat you well?" Ed smiled, imagining that her own father would have said something similar.  
  
"Of course he did daddy Jet. He always does."  
  
"Just making sure, you know I worry about you Ed." Jet hugged her tightly, and Ed took advantage of the opportunity to plaster her face to his chest. She felt like crying every time he asked her how things were with Spike, almost as though he knew there was something bugging her, but not wanting to intrude on she and Spike's relationship with any real questions. There were times when she felt like telling him everything; about how she felt like she was in a battle with Faye for Spike's attention, and how she always felt so invisible whenever the other woman was around. But she never told him anything, and she probably never would. She'd deal with it on her own, it was probably just her lack of experience when it came to relationships. She pulled herself together, and got up from Jet's lap.  
  
"Thanks for the present Jet. And I'm glad you're doing better. You hungry, or have you guys eaten? I was just about to make lunch." Jet agreed that lunch sounded great, and went off in search of Spike and Faye, leaving Ed to make up sandwiches by herself. 


	3. Diary of Ed

~Didn't you feel me lock my arms around you  
  
Why'd you turn away?~  
  
The four of them sat in the living room together, engrossed in conversation. Or rather, three of them were engrossed in conversation, leaving Ed sitting back on the couch, trying her best to not throw herself on Spike. Ever since Faye and Jet had returned, Spike had to stuck to Faye's side, following her everywhere, paying her constant attention. Ed was getting rather nervous, not to mention a little jealous. She had made sandwiches for lunch, and had even brought them in to everyone, not asking for any help. She knew what everyone liked to eat, knew what they liked to drink, and knew how to make everything on the menu. She had set the plates down for everyone, had brought them everything. Jet was full of thanks, as always; Faye smiled appreciatively, as was her norm; but Spike didn't even acknowledge the lunch sitting in front of him. That is until he ate it. Even then, no word of thanks. So Ed had sighed in frustration, finishing her own sandwich, and settling in next to Spike. She slid her arms around him, laying her head against his arm. Usually Spike would put his arm around her shoulders, drawing her in closer to him. But this time he didn't even acknowledge her presence, simply kept his back turned to her and spoke to Faye. Faye and Jet were currently telling Spike about how Faye had easily been able to cheat her way into the hundreds of thousands of woolongs she'd managed to swindel from the casino. Ed found herself smiling at Faye's story telling abilities, and at Jet's off the cuff commentary. It was nice to have them back, but she wished Spike would at least acknowledge her. He was so frustrating at times.  
  
"I need another drink. I'll be right back." Spike pulled away from Ed, standing up to make his way to the kitchen. Ed watched him leave, longing to jump up and run after him, make some excuse to get him alone in the kitchen. But whatever plan she'd been thinking up was interrupted, as she realized Faye was speaking to her.  
  
"You listening to me Eddie? I swear, sometimes you are totally off in your own little world." Ed blushed as she looked over at Faye, listening to her question again and answering. She really had nothing against Faye, she really liked having Faye around. But Faye always complicated things with Spike, so Ed's heart was torn. Maybe if she could just see the both of them separately and not together, that would solve all her problems.  
  
~Here's what I have to say~  
  
~~@Diary of Ed; Bebop Radical#  
  
~~Stardate: whothefuckcares, life blows Okay, so maybe that wasn't the best way to start off a journal entry, blow me. :P~ Why oh why did Faye have to prance back into our lives again? I swear, can't I ever get a damned break? I don't mean to be a brat; I love Faye, really I do; but how is it she has the ability to totally wipe my presence out? If Spike loves me as much as he says, then why won't he ever show it around Faye? Does she make him nervous? Does she secretly bug him about me? Am I wrong in liking Faye? Is she really the enemy? Or is Spike just stuck on Faye, like a fat kid on Smarties? I feel like giving up. Just packing my bags and going away. But I love Spike. Damn it I LOVE SPIKE!! There, now that we've clarified that much information. If only I could bring myself to tell Jet about all of this. He could sort it out for me, and tell me I'm just being a love sick fool, and that nothing is wrong at all, and I'm just jumping to conclusions. After all, they went through so much together while I was gone, who am I to expect to just waltz in here and take over the spotlight? Maybe I am being a stupid kid. Maybe I'm not mature enough for a relationship. Maybe I should leave. Maybe I need Spike more than Spike needs me. Maybe Spike doesn't need me at all. Maybe no one needs me. Maybe Jet just knows how Spike really feels, and is only so nice to me because he feels sorry for me. Maybe Faye laughs at me every time I ask her about anything pertaining to relationships. Maybe they all sit around when I'm not there and talk about me. Maybe I'm paranoid. Maybe I'm running low on self-esteem. Maybe I need a change. But maybe what I need is right in front of me. Maybe I just don't see it. Maybe I'm being too pessimistic again, and maybe I should just shut the hell up and go to bed. Maybe what I need is a good night's sleep. I wonder if Spike will remember he sleeps with me this time, and not on the couch. We'll see I suppose. We shall see. 


End file.
